I have always believed that I lived a life in which I was continously learning, always growing, but now I wonder.
I am a student again, a student of life, a seeker of knowledge. One who desires to understand. I am a student again, with new occupations, new challenges, and an opportunity to set my ego aside and say “I don’t know, teach me”
As I take up new directions in my life and new opportunities, I find myself learning so much so quickly and feeling that youthful energy that comes from having curiosity about that which we know we do not know. Perhaps that is the key to embracing learning as fun…the comfort in not knowing.
I had gotten used to the station in my life in which I was constantly in fear of that which I did not know. Not having the right answer was one of the worst things I could imagine. Learning became a constant battle to assuage my anxiety and avoid being caught in a moment of not having the answer. Learning was associated with fear.
Now I face learning with a different attitude. I am new to this, I am open to that, I am not expected to know, and so I welcome every chance to learn that I can with excitement and anticipation. I am a sponge. Learning is my chance to become elevated, to achieve more to be more. Learning is associated with growing.
In my job at REI I am learning the day to day operations of a retail store. I am learning the culture of company that prides itself on having a soul. I am learning the difference between the moisture wicking properties of capeline and wool, and the tolerances of chemical DWR treatments vs vapor permeable membranes, and I love every minute of it. In my job as an editor/producer, I am learning about the necessary equipment and crew to make a live shoot of a two hour concert effective. I am studying the interface of Final Cut Pro, and acquiring an eye for frame by frame synchronization of non-overdubbed video shoots, and I am inspired.
But I can’t help but wonder if and when this will all change. When will the pressure creep back in. The assumption by me that I am suppose to know the answer to that, even if i should not be expected to.