This post is more of an exercise than anything else. I have NOT been writing, I have NOT been creating, I have NOT been flowing, I have NOT been open. I HAVE been struggling. But why?
The #1 reason: Self-Censorship. I would define this as:
The censorship of ones own opinions, actions, beliefs, or expressions based on concern for or fear of the reactions and opinions that others might have.
Its a dangerous and crippling thought process to get stuck in, especially for a creative. Crippling because it tends to impact every aspect of my creativity. Dangerous because it is a self perpetuating and addictive way of thinking. It starts with a single instance of doubt, in an opinion that you feel strongly about, and snowballs into a string of stifled opinions, thoughts, and creations. As the censorship continues, the frustration builds, and as the frustration builds the desire to be self expressed gets more and more repressed. (Not gone, not decreased, simply repressed)
But how to get out of it? I have no idea really, but as it relates to the very subject matter of this post, I’ll give it a go and throw it out there, agrees or not:
Just throw it out there. This post serves 2 purposes. As an exercise in simply writing, with less concern about the overall “importance” of the subject matter or the way it will be received, and to write and share my opinions and thoughts as they occur in my life.
Take it easy on yourself. As creatives know (and as anyone else in the human category for that matter), we are our own worst critics. It may seem that other people have said more harsh, more critical statements than I say to myself, but upon closer inspection I think that I know how to push my own buttons and the critique is probably more hurtful and personal that what I get from others.
Lighten up. I tend to put so much weight, so much importance on everything that even the simplest steps can feel oppressive. I need to lighten up, take myself and life a bit less seriously and let it flow.